Enjoying your ceremony
/Mitch here!
So, it has been a while and a lot has happened since my last blog post (I didn’t realise I had given this so little love in the last year!). Some notable things have happened:
I got married
I have done about 35 wedding ceremonies, of all shapes and sizes (even MC’d a few)
We have locked in all our travel plans for our honeymoon
Did I mention I GOT MARRIED!
So, now that I have experienced it from both I wanted to come here and drop some knowledge, specifically on how to enjoy your ceremony. Seems funny but I do see a lot of couples who seem to have a bit of apprehension about the whole ceremony thing (don’t worry, we get them past that pretty quick). Whether they are concerned about public speaking, worried about looking weird in photos, scared of tripping over, having last minute issues with their more troublesome family members etc. etc. it doesn’t really matter - there are some things we can do and important things to remember to keep you in the right mindset.
So here they are, my 4 rules for really enjoying your own Marriage ceremony…
Rule 1: Remember why you are doing this
Seems simple doesn’t it, but you would be surprised how many people start worrying about all these things that are, in reality, inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. Here is a quick list of questions you might want to ask yourself if you are feeling a bit overwhelmed or stressed:
Do I love my partner and do we have a good relationship?
Will I be celebrating this fact with people I love today (maybe with some obligatory extras)?
Is the celebrant going to turn up so it actually goes ahead? (answer: yes I definitely am)
Am I looking forward to being married?
And if you answered yes to all of these, there is only one more question:
Can I actually control everything and anything to do with my day?
Sorry, you can’t control that oddball relative, or perpetually late running friend, or the weather. So don’t stress it too much. What you can control is your mindset, which in fact has a HUGE impact on how end up presenting yourself, and flows on to how your partner, your Bridal Party and your guests will react. This sets the tone for the day. You are not getting married to show off your event planning skills, and great taste in food and drink (though these are nice added benefits) but because you want to be married to, and you are proud of, the person you are marrying. Don’t lose sight of that.
Rule 2: Do, say, and feel whatever you want (i.e. be present)
A lot of people get nervous before their ceremony because they believe there is a certain way they need to act. It is important to remember everyone coming is just there to celebrate you, and if they know you or your partner well, there is a pretty good chance they will be happy for you no matter what you do. If you stop worrying about what you should be doing, take it all in and just react to the lovely stuff that is going on around you, you will very quickly realise what I did a long time ago.: Wedding ceremonies are freaking amazing, particularly when you are at the centre of all the positive energy and love that is going on..
Rule 3: Vows are for you and your partner
A lot of people are worried about “public speaking” at their ceremony, thinking people will judge them if their vows aren’t amazing, if they stammer, or if they cry. The truth is, your vows are for you and your partner, the crowd are just lucky enough to be there to hear it. Write and deliver your vows to your partner, not the crowd. If you know your soon-to-be-spouse well, whatever you write will be perfect to them; they will react that way, and the audience will follow. Also don’t forget rule 2: feel whatever you want to feel when delivering and receiving your vows. Take it from someone who cried the whole way through - you’ll feel amazing for being and expressing yourself vs. forcing something you aren’t, and the little stammers, or wiping of tears, or giggles you share with your love one are the moments that you will look back on fondly.
Rule 4: Trust your suppliers (definitely trust your Celebrant)
This is the last one, and very important. I was lucky enough to be married by my amazing business partner and dear friend Bridge for my big day, so I knew I was in safe hands. And, I also knew, having done a lot of ceremonies myself, that sometimes, not everything goes to plan. You know what? That is totally ok. Maybe your flower-girl cries, or the ceremony starts later than you planned, or someone’s phone goes off, or you struggle to put the ring on your partner due to shaky hands, or that place you wanted to get photos isn’t available. But I have to tell you, that while it may seem a big deal as you imagine it now, it really doesn’t matter too much (see rule 1). You will end up married, you will end up with lovely memories and photos, and if you picked your celebrant because you trust them to do a good job and your rapport with them, then trust that they will navigate all these things for you. Because they will (Bridge did for me, and I will for you).
Chur!